What do Beyoncé, Adele, Serena Williams, Ian Thorpe, Deepika Padukone and Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson have in common? They are all famous. Rich. They excel in their respective fields and are inspiration for many. They seem to HAVE IT ALL. Yet they have all talked about feeling hollow from within – suffering from panic attacks, and even about being depressed.
In the recent wake of two shocking celebrity suicides — of American fashion designer and businesswoman Kate Spade, and chef, author and everyone's favourite travel chronicler Anthony Bourdain — American TV presenter Aaron Sagers wrote in Huffpost about '...the dangerous myth of having it all'. He said: "For the better part of 14 years, I have made a living as an entertainment journalist, pundit and television host. I have been paid to travel the world and speak with fascinating people while trying all manner of food and having one adventure after another.
And for an entire year, I wanted to die."
The wrong question
Have we been going about life all wrong, trying to have it all? From filmstars to athletes, fashion designers to pop stars, we have seen a lot of celebrities whose lives we envy, but the reality is harsher. Having it all consistently comes with a hefty price. Pop star Justin Bieber discussed his struggles during an NME.com interview. He said, "I'm struggling just to get through the day. You get lonely. People see the amazing stuff, but they don't know the other side. This life can rip you apart."
Celebrity writer Jyoti Sabharwal believes public adulation and personal despondency go hand in hand. "The façade of perfection is fragile. It breaks too easily and you soon realise the myth you've believed about success, money, fame, have all kept you from confronting a simple reality – loneliness and pain affects us all."
What's the answer?
And then comes the pressure of putting on the 'smiley' face mask. This does not apply just to superstars. Human beings are more competitive than ever; and our culture of exhibitionism has made us very comfortable with our made-up appearance. But what goes behind a filtered picture is a story worth exploring.
In an interview with The Telegraph a couple of years ago Prince Harry had said: "I've spent most of my life saying 'I'm fine'. I can safely say that losing my mum at the age of 12 and shutting down all of my emotions for the last 20 years has had quite a serious effect on my life...I have probably been very close to a complete breakdown on numerous occasions."
Bhavik Vasa, CEO, Ebixcash thinks the problem affecting us all today is thinking that nothing affects us and the pressure to put up 'the happiness façade'. "The constant pressure of bringing on the A game makes you lonely. We all fall off the wagon at times – even the best of us," he says.
The have-it-all myth
Happiness façade could be the reason for our unhappiness. To counter it, Priyanka Gill, CEO, POPxo, makes sure she talks about the struggle and the hard work far more than achievements. "Everything cannot always be rosy and it's okay. Everyone should be allowed to feel weak and sad. They are normal emotions and shouldn't be hidden behind a false smile," she says.
Chanpreet Arora, CEO, Vice India, believes the biggest challenge faced by this generation is to channel emotions in a positive way and accept that certain emotional triggers are not in our control. Author Raksha Bharadia has sane advice for people who are in this endless loop of deceit. She says, "You do not have to tell the whole world about your problems but choose those two or three people who will be with you through thick or thin."
Best Real Face Forward
"The desire to always be on top and appear with your best face forward takes a toll. To be the centre of attention becomes a necessity, and this forces us to overlook our own emotional threshold. We begin to move away from our comfort zones to become popular, 'liked', and then fail to realise when we have moved too far away from our own nature. By then, we are trapped in this false identity we have created for ourselves. It leads to a huge conflict between our external and internal identities (which may be polar opposite). And that creates an imbalance in our brain which leaves us at our vulnerable best."
— Bhawna Monga, psychologist
Serena Williams and Adele have spoken about their post-partum lows. Emma Stone had horrible panic attacks for almost three years at the peak of her career. Deepika Padukone has talked about anxiety attacks and feeling hollow from within. Justin Bieber says it's extremely difficult to live constantly under a scanner. Prince Harry suffered from depression for 20 years till he asked for help. Megan Fox gets anxiety attacks when she sees herself on screen, and the most decorated Olympian of all time, swimmer Michael Phelps, said he was grateful for not taking his own life, while speaking about his battle with loneliness within
WHAT GETS US DOWN
- Desire and ambition
- Comparison
- The constant pressure to complete your bucket list/life goals
- Lack of empathy
- Pressure to live glamorous lives 24x7
- Social pressures
HOW can you DEAL WITH SADNESS?
- Embrace the flaws. Sadness is as natural as happiness. Don't hide pain
- Reduce sources that create cacophony in your life
- Share your worries with a close circle of people
- Be humble and accepting
- Know that no feeling or situation lasts forever – good or bad
- Less stuff means less attachments
- Spend time with people and enjoy the simple aspects of life like conversation and laughter
– Farzana Suri, life coach
I have been paid to travel the world and speak with fascinating people while trying all manner of food and having one adventure after another...
... And for an entire year, I wanted to die
— Aaron Sagers, American TV presenter
First row from left: Serena Williams, Adele, Emma Stone, Deepika Padukone
Second row from left: Justin Bieber, Prince Harry, Megan Fox, Michael Phelps
They have all extensively talked about feeling hollow and struggling to believe in themselves, despite their immense success and fame
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