Halloween always inspires some unique articles. For example, Chapman University recently published the results of a survey asking Americans about their biggest fears. Interestingly, the survey results parallel headlines which dominate the news.
Top three biggest fears are corrupt government officials, loss of healthcare, and environmental pollution. Sounds to me like the survey folks simply hacked into President Trump's plan on how to make America great again!
According to experts in another article, humans experiencing fear in a controlled situation like a scary movie can actually be a good thing. Fear releases dopamine — the feel-good chemical.
An artificially produced feeling of fear helps us concentrate on one topic momentarily and clears the mind of various nagging worries. When scared by spooky thrills, we forget our daily anxiety about bills, kids, school, job, etc.
That could partly account for the popularity of scary costumes, haunted houses, and spooky flicks in our culture—which appear in abundance this time of year.
But one need not dish out $15 for a scary movie or a fright-filled tour of an abandoned warehouse to get the heebie-jeebies. Not with all the wacky, weird, and downright terrifying stuff readily available on Internet news sites.
For example, did you see Justin Bieber's latest addition of body ink to his 60 or so tattoos? It's pretty hard to miss since his new stomach tat seems to jump off the computer screen at you. It's a veritable abdominal nightmare of eagles, bears, and lions, topped off with gothic archways, gargoyles, and skeletons
Obviously, pop-star Bieber likes to show off his six-pack abs in the media since he manages to provide a steady flow of shirtless selfies he takes while standing if front of his bathroom mirror. I swear he must spend more time in the bathroom than I do—and he's only 23!
I, for one, do not feel the least bit jealous over Bieber's six-pack stomach, although seeing it does make me a bit more self-conscious about my mini-keg gut.
I've actually considered getting a tattoo myself. The problem is I don't want one on my arms, neck, or face which, at my age, are the only parts of my body that I'm willing to expose to the general public.
Another October news story features creatures that I find much more terrifying than anything on the latest season of The Walking Dead. I'd rather face zombies any day instead of those big, bad, scary turkeys back East.
In Bridgewater, Massachusetts, turkey gangs are terrorizing the town. Forget renting the movie Scream 5 for Halloween chills. I guarantee that you will be afraid to walk the city sidewalks alone at night after watching the news video of those brazen turkeys actually chasing a police car down the street!
Even scarier is the story about a turkey that crashed through a window to gain access to the local dentist office in Rhode Island. When the staff arrived for work, they found the turkey calmly sitting in the waiting room. The staff later posted on the Internet that the doctor was not accepting any new turkey patients at this time.
I find this story particularly frightening. I don't know about you, but I'm scared enough going to the dentist. The last thing I need is to discover that the patient ahead of me is a turkey! What sort of mood is that going to put the dentist in?!
Here's a story that may have 'slipped' by you: police in Oklahoma stopped a car for speeding only to discover that the driver was nearly naked and his body was covered with Vaseline.
This is just the type of story that gives me nightmares. Why, what if I scheduled a ride with Uber and this guy was my driver? Should I tip him more or less than usual? And if I give him a low rating will that put him on a 'slippery slope' toward dismissal from the company?
There are even scary sports stories this Halloween season. In fact, NFL fans in Cleveland have no need to visit a haunted house when they can just enter the terrifying confines of their home stadium to watch the scary Browns play.
No doubt the Browns' 1-22 record over the last two seasons alone is a clear indication that their fans have been subjected to a lot more tricks than treats.
Adding to their fans' misery, the team's creepy brown uniforms have been voted as the ugliest in the league. The ghastly orange helmets make the Cleveland players on the field resemble pumpkins wearing shoulder pads. And, believe me, there are jack-o'-lanterns more intimidating—and that can tackle better than the Browns!
I think that most folks around my age would agree that there is no scarier story in the recent news than the announcement that singer Billy Joel is a new father at 68 years old. Egad! That's the same age as me. I'm feeling exhausted just thinking about it.
Looks like the Piano Man is going to be more like the Pablum Man for a while. For Joel's sake, I hope he can get the baby's naptime to coincide with his.
Mike Murphy of Pocatello is an award-winning columnist whose articles are syndicated by Senior Wire. He recently published a book titled "Tortoise Crossing – Expect Long Delays," which is a collection of 100 of his favorite columns. It is available on Amazon.com.
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