Stray thoughts about potholes, karma and Bieber

To the best of my knowledge:

• The colder it is, the longer it takes for the receipt to come out at the gas pump.
• It appears local potholes are going to fix themselves.
• You never get sick when you are not busy.
• I can't blame Christmas and New Year's -- I was fat before the holidays.
• Apparently it is mandatory for every female tennis player to grunt with each shot.
• Hollywood awards shows should start featuring a "Best Apology'' category.
• Proof the world is off its rocker: Some dude in Australia returned a sandwich because it was not sliced perfectly down the middle. Even more proof: Someone took note of that fact and passed it on to me.
• It would be great to submit a list of those I believe karma has missed.
• I'd wake from a coma to turn off the radio if it was playing a Justin Bieber song.
• Saying "It worked for Cinderella'' will not get you out of the doghouse for buying a new pair of shoes you thought you needed.
• Nothing is really lost until your wife cannot find it.
• If you are looking for real, hard-hitting news, digest this: Lassie really didn't like Timmy, and Wally was always dropping dime to get Beaver in hot water with Ward. Little Joe Cartwright was jealous of Hoss; Joni didn't really love Chachi; and David Hasselhoff is not big in Germany. "Baywatch," however, is real.
• I do not make the same mistake twice. I make it six or seven times to show I can get something right.
• Children, I promise, are not like potato chips. You can have just one.
• Someone says, "Leadership skills,'' and I say, "Bossy.''
• "It is better to arrive late than to arrive ugly'' is the best line I heard last week.
• The days leading up to the Super Bowl are the time for a bunch of people in my business to ask the dumbest questions of athletes and coaches who do not want to be asked dumb questions.
• The 45-minute grilling of the doctor who gave our president his required physical should have embarrassed everyone who has ever worn a press credential. What a witch hunt. Captain Combover wants to have hair -- I get that -- hates exercise -- I get that -- and has to keep his cholesterol in check. The dude's normal.
• We must never doubt -- no matter how old he is -- the greatness of Tom Brady.

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