University life is fun. But what you will never be told, is that it can turn into hell in a split second. Here are what you must not do if you want to wear that gown after a few years- with a smile.
Fail to sheath it
Sex isn't bad. In fact, it's medicinal according to those people who research. They say it reduces depression and makes one feel better. However, if the prevalence of unplanned for babies and pumbavu STI's is something to go by, sex could be a disease.
So, next time you exile your roommates to have a romp in the hay with a 2nd year you stumbled into and liked, put on a bloody condom. HIV is still roaming like those lions on Mombasa road did. 50 shillings can save you.
Attend classes drunk
The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step my friend. The moment you 'flirt with vodka' and strut into class when she has her claws on your mind and her whiff on your person, you've taken a step towards the alcoholism journey.
And that's how people lose jobs. Get beaten by their wives, become losers and stagger to a life of brokenness.
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Go easy lassie. These good things in life come with time. And are best enjoyed without the hold of a potbellied man. And indulge me please, how do you manage to see an old man, wrinkled and wasting away, naked? Do you close your eyes and think of unicorns or Justin Bieber?
It's sweeter to drive German, buy/ spend Arabian and dress Italian when you've worked not twerked your way to it all. That way, you can live like the Kardashians. The cookies he gives you as he munches your cookie will be dearly paid for.
Drink-driving
Next time you hire a car, stock a number of your comrades in it and proceed to intoxicate yourselves while driving to Nakuru or Naivasha for an event or road trip, thank heavens if a cop arrests you.
Because, there on the road, death would have arrested you. Death has no bail. Its prison is a casket. Be a good lad, follow traffic rules.
Mkubwa sio mwenzako dude
If you and the lecturer are eyeing the same babe, drop out of the race. Ask fellows who are graduating. Missing marks are a pain in the ass. Especially when the girl who caused it is no longer spooning you.
Co-habiting
In the first days it's fantastic. You folks live like a married couple. Difference is, you aren't married. You might fornicate every night, prepare spaghetti for him while donning his big T-shirt and nothing below or 'sponsor' her rent, food and life in campus.
But one thing is always amiss, that life is loaned, just like HELB. The energy you put into this come-we-stay thingy is better diverted into academics.
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