Can you get flagged for a personal foul on your own coach?

Maybe football ought to do like baseball and put its coaches in uniforms, too — helmets, pads and all.

Hawaii linebackers coach Sean Duggan suffered a dislocated elbow and broken wrist after an ill-fated celebratory leap into O-lineman Viane Moala, who was returning to the sideline after a blocked kick vs. Western Carolina.

"You advise against chest-bumping a 6-foot-7, 300-pound Tongan," Hawaii coach Nick Rolovich told Hawaii News Now. "That's just, as a new haole guy to the island, that's just not something you should make a habit of. It's a hard lesson to learn, but he'll get through it."

Headlines

• At SportsPickle.com: "Breaking: Andrew Luck schedules season-ending shoulder surgery so he doesn't have to play for the Colts."

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• At TheKicker.com: "Apparently 'Who should I start at flex?' is not worthy of a 911 call."

Pot bust

Oklahoma State linebacker Brandon Vaughn has been arrested for intent to sell marijuana within 2,000 feet of a school.

Cops suspected it was a football player, since he limited his sales to only nickel and dime packages.

Losing by a nose

Clonbrien Hero, a champion racing greyhound in Ireland, tested positive for traces of cocaine and was banned from competition until he can produce a clean sample.

A drug-sniffing dog? No kidding.

Money player

Texans star J.J. Watt's fundraising total for Hurricane Harvey came to a whopping $37 million.

In keeping with the theme, he asked them to put it all in sacks.

Nine? Nein

Adrian Peterson groused that "I didn't sign up for nine snaps" after getting just six carries in his New Orleans debut.

Here's guessing the Saints didn't sign up for 3.1 yards a carry, either.

Caught in a dry state

BYU's football team averaged just 6.3 points during its three-game losing skid.

Or as Cougar fans referred to 6.3 points back in the LaVell Edwards days, a typical drive.

Crowded? Hardly

The Chargers drew just 25,381 for their first home opener in Los Angeles, but fear not.

"This will be the largest audience to ever witness a game in L.A., period, both in-person and around the globe," said new Chargers media-relations director Sean Spicer.

Pass the tums

Nebraska paid Northern Illinois $820,000 to show up for a football game — and the Cornhuskers promptly lost, 21-17.

As any admonished kid at mealtime can tell you: Don't play with your food.

Talking the talk

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, after the wrong receiver named Steve Smith wasnominated for the Pro Football Hall of Fame: "Here's one thing T.J. Houshmandzadeh doesn't have to worry about."

• Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, on Texas' refurbished football locker room featuring 126 flat-screen TVs: "It's essentially Buffalo Wild Wings, without the liquor license."

Added Jet lag

Jets players said they were "infuriated" and "demoralized" when Marshawn Lynch did a sideline dance during the Raiders' 45-20 romp last Sunday.

What, simply playing for the Jets isn't demoralizing enough?

You make the call

The most impressive NFL milestone reached last week was:

a) Browns OT Joe Thomas playing in his 10,000th consecutive snap

b) Former Browns CB Joe Haden — traded to the Steelers this year — experiencing back-to-back wins for the first time in eight pro seasons

Roll player

Pot-loving pass catcher Josh Gordon is out of rehab and pushing for play for the Browns again.

Just one hangup: The NFL is refusing to print his reinstatement forms on Zig-Zag papers.

Itch in a pinch

The Marlins' ageless Ichiro Suzuki — who as a Mariner broke the major league record with 262 hits in 2004 — is closing in on another season record: John Vander Wal's 28 pinch hits for the Rockies in 1995.

Even if Ichiro doesn't eclipse it — he had 26 entering the weekend — he'll still own the mark for a Japanese lefty over age 40.

It wasn't His Honor

Ex-San Cristobal mayor Raul Mondesi — the 1994 NL Rookie of the Year with the Dodgers — has been sentenced to eight years in a Dominican prison and fined $1.25 million for corruption and mishandling of public funds.

That's what you call a costly caught-stealing.

Mad about you

A study says anger can help make some relationships healthy.

Oh yeah? Ever see what happens iwhen Yankees and Red Sox fans get together?

More headlines

• At SportsPickle.com: "NFL announces Ezekiel Elliott must play for Cowboys for 16 games."

• At TheKicker.com: "Bengals fire offensive coordinator, promote settling-for-field-goals coach."

• At TheOnion.com: "CBS loses Dan Fouts for season after blowing out larynx on routine anecdote."

• At TheKicker.com: "Eli tries to give pep talk after game, but he can't find his receivers."

Quote marks

• Jim Barach of WCHS-TV in Charleston, W.Va., after Floyd Mayweather bought a $26 million Beverly Hills mansion: "Let's see his neighbor Justin Bieber try to egg that house."

• Brad Rock of Salt Lake City's Deseret News, on Times Square in New York hosting ESPN's "College GameDay": "Analysts say this could greatly boost recruiting for Julliard's football team."

• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on ex-Cowboys QB Tony Romo getting rave reviews as a rookie NFL analyst on CBS: "Fingers crossed he doesn't fumble the microphone in the playoffs."

• Comedian Argus Hamilton, on the Rams and Chargers: "Los Angeles City Council just declared L.A. a sanctuary city for awful NFL teams."

• Comedy writer Tim Hunter, on claims the Rapture would begin on Saturday: "Hopefully, after the football games."

• Comic Torben Rolfsen, upon hearing the Royals' Alex Gordon hit MLB's record-setting 5,694th home run this season: "My first response was, 'They've gotta test that guy.' "

Blame game

Oklahoma quarterback Baker Mayfield blamed his team's 4-5 finish after a 4-0 start in 2014 on actress Katy Perry gushing over Sooners QB Trevor Knight on ESPN's "College Gameday."

What's next — blaming the Detroit Lions' 60-year title drought on Jayne Mansfield making goo-goo eyes at Bobby Layne?

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