I went to boarding school when I was 10. I remember blinking back hot tears as my parents drove away. I didn't want to cry, look like a big baby, but I felt like I was all alone. And it hurt. A whole damn lot.
And I look at Nimo and Tati, age six and three respectively and I don't want to give them that choice. The choice of boarding school. Maybe it is selfish, because I think I turned out just fine. But did I really?
1. Too hard too fast
Some may argue that children need to learn responsibility and there is nowhere like boarding school to teach them that. Well, I think that children should be left to be children.
That children should do age appropriate chores and learn tasks under the watchful loving eye of their parents. In boarding school, no one has focused time for your child.
The teacher is spread too thin, and what results is a child who figures out that if say they don't weed the shamba like a pro, they will get their behinds skinned.
And so they get into survival mode, and do what they are supposed to do without deriving any satisfaction from it. It makes for a dutiful soldier driven by results and not necessarily a passionate soldier.
2. 'I don't need you' complex
The first time I was bullied, I remember sitting in a corner in the school's dining hall terrified and alone. I was 10. I couldn't tell the teacher. He would have beaten up the bullies and I would become an even bigger target.
There was no one to talk to, get any reassurance from or even just tell me what to do. I was on my own. So I toughened up. And after some practice I realised that I could handle my problems. I didn't need mama to comfort me.
I didn't need anyone. And this closed me off emotionally. I was the girl who didn't cry no matter what was happening, and I became like a fortress. Later in my adulthood, I was so good at moving on from broken relationships that some friends called me the 'Ice Queen'.
I could shrug anything and anyone off. It wasn't entirely a bad thing, it served its purpose, but I don't want my girls to feel that way. I want them to come to mama anytime even over the silliest things. Because truth is, no one is a fortress. You shouldn't be. And least of all a child.
3.The all important sex Ed
Don't you want to be the one that guides your child through puberty? Or answers questions about sex? A typical dormitory conversation between pre teens and teens often goes like this;
( giggling as they peruse Shout Magazine)
Ruth: Look at Justin Bieber. So cute. He has a big Adam's apple.
Jackie: I heard that a big Adam's apple means he can make you pregnant really fast.
Pat: No wonder Cindy says she has done 'it' with Sam and she isn't pregnant. Sam doesn't have one.
Cindy is the coolest girl in the neighbouring school. And that means she is their Bible.
So do you want the main source of your child's sex education to be naive schoolmates or do you want it to be you? Granted, this can happen to a child in a day school but this is where your close proximity and regular chats help.
4. Where vices take root
Drugs and sexuality are discovered and values are entrenched in the pre-teen and teenage years. Hopefully, you are available and observant enough to course correct.
When your child is away from you three months at a time, you get to meet a new version of them every annual quarter.
Having them closer home will allow you to monitor any changes that happen and take measures.
I have friends who picked up drug habits when in boarding school and still struggle to date. They got away with it because they could.
In a day school, you get to observe their habits, probably know their friends and monitor their movements. That way, if Junior comes home drunk one Friday evening, he will never forget the weekend fire rained on his hide.
Maybe I am biased, but I know that the years you get to spend with your children are so few in comparison to the rest of their lives that it doesn't hurt to hold on to the formative years a little harder.
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