When photos surfaced last week of Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber riding their bikes together in Los Angeles, fans had mixed reactions.
On the one hand, it was refreshing to see Gomez, 25, and Bieber, 23, rekindle their relationship. The pair were full of smiles and laughter as they spent the day at a church event, followed by a private dinner at an upscale steakhouse, after closing hours. A few days later, they were spotted in Bieber's car after his hockey game, with Gomez sporting his jersey: a picture-perfect happy couple.
It's 'better … to reconnect as friends first before jumping into a full-on relationship.'
On the other hand, it's hard not to recall their roller-coaster romance, which started in 2011 and alternately steamed ahead and sputtered for the next few years before they announced it was over. After a rehab stint (for her) and a DUI arrest (for him, he pleaded guilty to a lesser charge), they were accusing each other of infidelity as recently as August 2016.
Can a relationship that was once toxic ever be healthy the second time around? It's an issue that plagues both celeb couplings and pairings between mere mortals. Experts say it's best to proceed with caution.
It's "better … to reconnect as friends first before jumping into a full-on relationship," says Jennifer Rhodes, a Midtown-based psychologist.
Rhodes says that if you're considering getting back with a former flame, you need to have had a significant time apart (about 90 days) to reflect on the relationship.
"You know it's for real this time if you meet them in a grounded place and you don't have an emotional reaction when you see them … People who have reunited and are in successful marriages end up with a sense of safety and secureness," Rhodes says. "People should pay attention to that rather than super-hot chemistry."
For Kevin, a 28-year-old who works in marketing and didn't share his last name for professional reasons, reuniting with a former flame meant getting burned all over again.
Their relationship had been passionate, but plagued by jealousy. After a year together, they broke up in early 2016. A year later, they tried to rekindle things. Initially, it was great to be back together.
"It felt like when we first fell in love," Kevin says. But, "after two months, we got into an argument. It quickly escalated, and after he told me he hated me, it was easy to block his number and truly love myself."
'People who have reunited and are in successful marriages end up with a sense of safety and secureness.'
Not every reconciliation ends horribly. Susan, a 24-year-old, LA-based restaurant server, was head over heels for Brian, a co-worker she met in August 2016. But six months into their relationship, her friends began to worry that Brian was too possessive. Susan agreed.
"We'd get into arguments every time I'd be out at the bars with my girlfriends," says Susan, who didn't want to disclose her last name for personal reasons. She ended their affair. But three months later, they reunited — once she and Brian agreed on setting boundaries.
"I told him I wouldn't put up with being talked to that way and that we both have to be secure in our relationship," she says. "I learned so much about myself from breaking up with him the first time. Now, we know ourselves better, we've grown up a little bit, and our relationship feels better."
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