JUSTIN BIEBER IS all set to play Mumbai in India next week as part of his Purpose World Tour.
But over the last 24 hours, nobody there has been talking about the gig at all – they've been more focused on the rider that music journalist Arjun S Ravi tweeted out yesterday.
As the BBC reports, the respected music journalist was emailed a full rider of what Bieber's backstage demands would like – in the form of a press release openly celebrating what the venue will be laying on for him. Bieber's team hasn't confirmed it yet, but everyone is convinced of one thing:
This is one of the most ridiculous backstage riders we've ever seen
Huge if true.
The email starts off, casually enough, with a request for some serious motors:
A convoy of 10 luxury sedans and 2 Volvo buses will be at the disposal of the artist and his entourage of 120 people throughout their stay with a Rolls Royce reserved for the Grammy winner himself.
It's being reported that Bieber's entourage for the tour adds up to around 120, so this is fair enough (unless you got a couple of buses to save a few quid).
That's only the beginning though.
Then we get on to the good stuff:
10 containers will be flown in with items like a ping pong table, playstation, IO HAWK, sofa set, washing machine, refrigerator, upholstery, wardrobe cupboard, massage table that will be used back stage.
Arrangements for a Jacuzzi have also been made for Bieber's personal use to unwind before he takes to the stage.
Backstage sounds like Richie Rich has designed himself a gaff and lost the run of himself.
Reading on, things only get more ridiculous:
Top culinary experts will supervise the gourmet being served to Bieber over the 4 days with 5 dishes per day being renamed after his popular songs.
"Here you go sir, you're Sorry Salad" – hypothetical waiter.
^they need to pick better songs if they actually have to do this.
Purple is his favourite colour:
The hotels will re-design his suite and incorporate Mogul paintings, antique furniture and signature Kashmiri bedroom linen. His room will be adorned with purple carnations, purple being his favourite colour!
His love of yoga needs to be recognised:
A special Indian Casket containing aromatic essential oils; jasmine, mogra, rose and camphor incence sticks; and books on chakras and yoga asanas will be placed in Bieber's suite knowing his love for yoga.
It sounds like he's a stereotypical over-the-top Roman gladiator living his best life:
That's not all a licensed female masseuse specially flown in from Kerala will be provided to Bieber on all 4 days. 100 hangers, cans of wildberries and vanilla room freshners, dove body wash, hydrating lip balms – these are some of the special requests being catered to in his 1000 sq ft suite. Rooms with the best view in the quietest part of the hotel with only king size beds is a pre requisite with a 24 hour fitness centre with a steam room.
This is beyond parody.
The listing of local businesses gives us an insight into what Bieber gets up to in his spare time:
Bieber's team will be submitted a list of spray tan salon, sushi restauarant, steakhouse, Italian restauarant, shopping mall, bowling alley, movie theatre, skate park, casinos, nightclubs, basketball courts and recording studios as a bonus.
Just in case he wants to lay down another relatable banger.
Also, chart this down in the BREAKING NEWS category: the one flower that Justin Bieber can't handle is the terrifying… lily:
Silverware cutlery to fresh flowers (no lilies) to scented candles with a strong focus on health foods like coconut water, almond milk, strawberry and vanilla protein powder, raw organic honey, decaffeinated herbal teas to fresh fruit and vegetable platter.
It must be his kryptonite.
Other things he requires supposedly include:
- 24 still water bottles, 24 alkaline water bottles, 4 energy drinks, 6 vitamin water bottles, 6 cream sodas as well as a cooler packed with assorted juices and fizzy drinks
- white sliced bread, potato chips, mint and watermelon gum, vinegar chips
- boxes of Ritz Bitz peanut butter and cheese sandwiches and multiple packs of Haribo Cola Gummies.
You can't argue with that last point, in fairness.
Gorge on those Haribo, Justin.
The final paragraph moves back to the mundane – with listings of his requirements in the t-shirt and sock department:
In every dressing room, there is a requirement for 2 packages of plain white crew-neck teeshirts, in sizes XS and L, 2 packages of white tank tops, sizes L and XL, 3 packages of white lo-rise socks, size XS and L. You'll also need a boom box with an iPhone battery to keep the Biebs happy backstage.
Glam.
Please let this be true – only because we all want to try a "What Do You Mean? pizza" at some stage in our lives.
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