What is the moon doing these days? We should check on it, because there are things happening that may have something to do with ancient lunar prophecies. This particular political moment would be the time for such things—ancient warnings coming true, etc.—wouldn't it? But yes, dependent on what the moon, that old hunk of cheese, is up to, there might be some significance to the latest bit of celebrity news: Justin Bieber's new tattoos.
Yeah. The kid got more. He's now got about 50 distinct inkings on his person, according to an Us Weekly report on all of this. The latest tats are quite dramatic—and quite possibly are omens that we should be paying serious attention to. Across the left side of Bieber's chest—his left, Canadian left—is a great grizzly bear's roaring face. The bear is now in the seventh house, the seventh house of course being Justin Bieber's chest. What could that mean? All the seers and prophets are gone, their knowledge lost to the dust of time. But we can at least consult what they once said and wrote, to try to divine just what Bieber's bear might signify.
We'll have to synthesize that interpretation with our understanding of Bieber's second new tattoo, which is a mighty, screaming eagle, festooned right across his abdomen. Its wings are spread, quite like Rihanna's Isis chest tattoo. This one is lower than that immortal art, though, situated just above Bieber's bellybutton and just below his "Son of God" tattoo. So perhaps the eagle is a manifestation of the son of God, or perhaps the eagle represents Bieber's new American identity. But bear and eagle must mean something together, mustn't they? What did the old wisemen say about a bear and an eagle appearing together, splashed across the physique of one Canadian boy? Surely there must be some ancient text about this, this curious confluence of corporeal events?
There are other, less celestial mysteries to be pondered here, too. Chiefly, in one of the impermanent Instagram Story snaps revealing these new tattoos, Bieber is lying down, one arm behind his head, and there next to him, plain as day, is what appears to be some sort of deodorant stick. So the mystery is, why wouldn't Bieber get that out of the frame before taking and posting the picture? We're all so careful and curatorial about our social-media image these days—or, at least, many of us are—so it's odd that Bieber would, in his grand tat reveal, not be fussed about the deodorant stick that's just lying there, so close to his armpit, a story of cause and use playing out so clearly. Which is not the story that Bieber is trying to tell with his tattoo reveal, I don't think.
No, there's something more spiritual and mystical going on than the tale of a deodorant stick. Eagle and Bear have finally joined together on the same body, and they are trying to say something. Tell us, elemental beings, sacred animals, what do you want us to know? What, just north of a nipple, is this great bear roaring to us? What message, north of the navel, is this proud eagle trying to convey? We live in charged times, full of worry and portent and grim possibility. So really these signs—inscribed on the body of one of our most treasured cultural icons—could indicate any dark thing. Or any hopeful thing. Probably all we can do right now is listen, press our ears up against Justin Bieber's body (metaphorically—don't actually press yourself against Justin Bieber unless he asks you too, please) and wait for these signs to reveal their intent. It's long been clear that Justin Bieber is a vessel of divine communication. And suddenly we are that much closer to learning what, exactly, this son of God has to say. I can't wait to find out.
At the Kids' Choice Awards (March 2010)
At the MTV Video Music Awards (September 2010)
At a Lakers game (October 2010)
At the European premiere of Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (February 2011)
At the BET Awards (June 2011)
At the N.R.J. Music Awards (January 2012)
At an airport in Tokyo (July 2012)
Performing at a concert (December 2012)
Performing at Hot 99.5's Jingle Ball (December 2012)
At the premiere of Justin Bieber's Believe (December 2013)
Leaving his hotel in London (February 2013)
On a beach in Panama (January 2014)
Being photographed by police in Miami (January 2014)
Out in Los Angeles (July 2014)
Celebrating his 21st birthday in Las Vegas (March 2015)
At the MTV Video Music Awards (August 2015)
At L.A.X. Airport (October 2015)
Performing at the iHeartRadio Music Awards (April 2016)
Performing at a concert (July 2016)
Performing at a concert (July 2016)
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